This ol disease has transformed my life.
A bold statement and a promising start to Chapter 23/ 24.
My wife is a psycho
(logical) counsellor and with English as her second language, she has been writing essays regularly, as part of her coursework.
I have helped to check and edit these essays and as a consequence of this I have been grasping at some of the basic principals of this study.
In effect I have been receiving my own general education in psychology.
It is a fascinating area and I find myself applying it's principals more often, not only to other people and their interactions and motivations but also to myself.
The new directness that I mentioned previously on this blog may be a partial consequence of the steroids that I have been taking, as they came with warning of possible side effects including feelings of mania or depression.
Whilst I do not consider myself depressed I can say, with some certainty that I am occasionally manic and.
many poor parents can bear testament to this.
I sometimes feel like I am hit with an understanding of the 'truth' beneath the complex layers that people use to mask their emotional responses or intentions.
Once I have hit this understanding it feels as though I have peeled away the layers of an onion and it is both invigorating and exciting.....
Unfortunately at this point I usually feel it necessary to explain it to whoever will listen (and they don't get a choice).
My monologues are delivered at 100mph and allow no interruption.....
Yes Mark that's interesting.....
Read...... please I need to go
Oh really?
Read.... REALLY, I really need to go!
Example:
I attended a children's judo competition recently, not as a coach but as a spectator.
This gave me a great opportunity to step back from the trees and see the wood, an objective view of this sport that I love.
It was a truly unedifying spectacle,
I watched as Coaches screamed instructions at their young charges, desperately trying to micro manage their performances like deranged puppeteers.
If these unfortunate children made a mistake they would be subjected to a loud and public humiliation
in full angry dad style.
This bullying was delivered from the person they were relying on to provide a calm and thoughtful influence at this stressful time.
This of course is person who should be able to take a strategic view of their progress and then adjust their training regime to address any problems that might become have become apparent.
The coach should have been working to equip their fighter to find in themselves what they need to handle the demands faced in a contest, but this kind of independence is an overlooked and undervalued asset.
How could someone in this position abuse the trust they had fostered I thought......
(those dots indicate me thinking, suppose a question mark might have done a better job, here you go have this one and don't lose it ?).
It suddenly hit me the whole picture!
The truth of this was that the coaches saw their children as extensions of themselves........
(not thinking now just a dramatic pause)
Vehicles for their own ego........
(tell us Mark, Oh Guru, oh wise one, don't leave us hanging)
Using these convenient little vehicles they could demonstrate to the world, and themselves, their inherent superiority,
Until of course they lose.
It then becomes necessary for the puppet master to explain loudly to his audience that it was the puppet that was faulty.
So these screaming attacks, whilst on the surface seem to be directed at the child,
in fact are aimed, via the child, towards the watching adults, (both spectators and coaches).
"IT WASN'T ME!!!"
Once aware of the dynamics of this situation... I considered that the other reason that coaches overlook the importance of helping their competitor reach a state of capable independence is that it
makes it more difficult for them to hoover up the credit.
This credit is really the motivating driver for their coaching, possibly they have an insecurity that needs to be bolstered by the credit?
Maybe they were made to feel inadequate as children subjected by parents or coaches themselves to this kind of conditional love?
My instinct is that suits their subconscious purpose to engender and propagate a mutual need.
Coaches often joke that if their competitor wins it was because they, the coach got it right,
conversely, when they lose it is the fault of the child........
Closer to the truth than they probably realise.
On the other hand I might just be mad.
Saturday, 19 October 2013
Friday, 27 September 2013
21 Tempus Fugit
My face is illuminated by the white light of the puter and I am listening to the sounds of 5.20 am.
Snuffling breathing wife and toddler sounds, strangely comforting sounds but I wish that I could sleep.
This insomnia is a symptom of the steroids apparently and something I shall have to accept, at least until
I start to reduce the dose. Dr Armstrong was pleased with my progress and at our last meeting suggested that in December my dose will begin being reduced.
This makes me happy as I am not certain but suspect that there is a slight thickening below my chin and around my neck.....
AAAAAAAGH BLOODY MOON FACE!
It is easy for me to forget that, back at the beginning, I was struggling to talk or see,
now, a few short months later here I am having a little princess moment.
Bloody GP will be a bit smug though.
When I started this blog it was a way to release the pressure of my situation and communicate with anyone interested in my situation, and this is why it was titled after the disease (this feels like a constraint to the content now, so forgive me if I wander off piste, also forgive the bloody brackets....again).
Overtime however I confess that I have enjoyed the chance to express my thoughts and realised that I really enjoy writing, so there it is, and your stuck with it, blame the ones who encouraged me.
I can see it now, some crusty old pensioner knocking out hideously garish watercolours by the yard..... encouraged years ago by some well meaning family member....
"Oh uncle Roger that really is rather good, you should take this up"
Now faced with this deluge of childlike rubbish they have long ago run out of nice things to say.....
and still he paints, convinced of his genius.
Some of this, when I read it back, feels like it belongs to someone else.
Occasionally funny but often whining and self indulgent, I suppose that is the truth of it though.
My intention was always to try and allow it to pass unfiltered to the virtual page, the only editing was to
spare any offence although looking back I imagine I may have failed on that count!
I remind myself that this is a public forum only to forget a few sentences later, which is good because I
prefer to treat it as a diary.
Life has a habit of throwing surprises and recently I was told that we had to quit our lovely flat as the freeholder is putting the property up for sale.
It was a huge shock as I have lived here now for so long that I had almost forgotten that we are tenants
and it is a sad thought that our plans for this place are now redundant.
Change is inevitable and this is a lesson that will repeat for as long as we draw breath, it is only when shocked by these shifting foundations that we seem to remember, it is as though we are consigned to spending our brief time swimming in circles with our 2 second goldfish memories.....
Ooooh what's around the corner?
A plastic sunken castle, wow!
Ooooh what's around the corner?
A plastic sunken castle, wow!
Ooooh what's around the corner?
A plastic sunken castle, wow! (replete with plastic mermaid)
Perhaps our need for certainty makes this a necessary device or coping strategy.
With the help of people who care, we are now planning a move to a 3 bedroom house,
this situation now feels less like a disaster and more like an opportunity to start a new chapter in our lives,
which, whilst it sounds like some smug self help approach, is true.
So we can look forward to living here for ever and ever and being happy and........ Ut oh.
The sand really does feel like it is shifting under me at the moment.
At the centre of my judo centred life, stands a person who has been part of my life since he started coaching me 45 years ago.
He has recently been suffering from serious health problems which make all of this MG stuff look like
a day at the seaside.
With his illness as an ever present backdrop at the club he has built, I have noticed that it has drawn everyone together and the sense of family is palpable.
I am hopeful that he has been aware of this and drawn some comfort from it.
Supporting him lately with his coaching has given me a deeper understanding and affection for him and I intend to grab every chance I get to live in the moment....
this moment
NOW! (grab it now while stocks last)
I could be sleeping now what a waste of time that is.
aaaaand finally dear reader take a bow, without you etc....
Snuffling breathing wife and toddler sounds, strangely comforting sounds but I wish that I could sleep.
This insomnia is a symptom of the steroids apparently and something I shall have to accept, at least until
I start to reduce the dose. Dr Armstrong was pleased with my progress and at our last meeting suggested that in December my dose will begin being reduced.
This makes me happy as I am not certain but suspect that there is a slight thickening below my chin and around my neck.....
AAAAAAAGH BLOODY MOON FACE!
It is easy for me to forget that, back at the beginning, I was struggling to talk or see,
now, a few short months later here I am having a little princess moment.
Bloody GP will be a bit smug though.
When I started this blog it was a way to release the pressure of my situation and communicate with anyone interested in my situation, and this is why it was titled after the disease (this feels like a constraint to the content now, so forgive me if I wander off piste, also forgive the bloody brackets....again).
Overtime however I confess that I have enjoyed the chance to express my thoughts and realised that I really enjoy writing, so there it is, and your stuck with it, blame the ones who encouraged me.
I can see it now, some crusty old pensioner knocking out hideously garish watercolours by the yard..... encouraged years ago by some well meaning family member....
"Oh uncle Roger that really is rather good, you should take this up"
Now faced with this deluge of childlike rubbish they have long ago run out of nice things to say.....
and still he paints, convinced of his genius.
Some of this, when I read it back, feels like it belongs to someone else.
Occasionally funny but often whining and self indulgent, I suppose that is the truth of it though.
My intention was always to try and allow it to pass unfiltered to the virtual page, the only editing was to
spare any offence although looking back I imagine I may have failed on that count!
I remind myself that this is a public forum only to forget a few sentences later, which is good because I
prefer to treat it as a diary.
Life has a habit of throwing surprises and recently I was told that we had to quit our lovely flat as the freeholder is putting the property up for sale.
It was a huge shock as I have lived here now for so long that I had almost forgotten that we are tenants
and it is a sad thought that our plans for this place are now redundant.
Change is inevitable and this is a lesson that will repeat for as long as we draw breath, it is only when shocked by these shifting foundations that we seem to remember, it is as though we are consigned to spending our brief time swimming in circles with our 2 second goldfish memories.....
Ooooh what's around the corner?
A plastic sunken castle, wow!
Ooooh what's around the corner?
A plastic sunken castle, wow!
Ooooh what's around the corner?
A plastic sunken castle, wow! (replete with plastic mermaid)
Perhaps our need for certainty makes this a necessary device or coping strategy.
With the help of people who care, we are now planning a move to a 3 bedroom house,
this situation now feels less like a disaster and more like an opportunity to start a new chapter in our lives,
which, whilst it sounds like some smug self help approach, is true.
So we can look forward to living here for ever and ever and being happy and........ Ut oh.
The sand really does feel like it is shifting under me at the moment.
At the centre of my judo centred life, stands a person who has been part of my life since he started coaching me 45 years ago.
He has recently been suffering from serious health problems which make all of this MG stuff look like
a day at the seaside.
With his illness as an ever present backdrop at the club he has built, I have noticed that it has drawn everyone together and the sense of family is palpable.
I am hopeful that he has been aware of this and drawn some comfort from it.
Supporting him lately with his coaching has given me a deeper understanding and affection for him and I intend to grab every chance I get to live in the moment....
this moment
NOW! (grab it now while stocks last)
I could be sleeping now what a waste of time that is.
aaaaand finally dear reader take a bow, without you etc....
Tuesday, 24 September 2013
Chapter 21 Radio Silence Over .....Come in please ....Over.......ppsssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Still stinging from the accusation of radio silence (rarely such a thing in my experience.. I always hear that static.....ppsssssssssshhhhh not sure how many s's in that SS! Don't get me started,
Dear God who is not real please help, I'm barely a sentence in and already, with the tangent bracket combos).
London calling.... London calling.... here is a radio silence ending blog.
At the weekend I took a risk or two,
the first risk was to enter another judo competition, following the previously mentioned (see Chapter 19) fiasco in Salisbury.
I put in a reasonable amount of training put on a few kilogrammes of weight (what else could it be eh? perhaps a few kilos of light.... or colour)?
The few kilos could so easily become the few more, I can yet prove my GP right and delight him by developing his predicted moonface.
So back to 90 kg please and fast...
I don't wish to breath my last on the WC with 25lbs of compacted poo in my bowel,
Elvis you were cool but that was not.
So at U100kg I am given a choice fight in the younger age group or fight the one person in my weight / age category as a straight final and then fight the younger ones but without being allowed a medal for it?
The latter choice offered me the guarantee of at least a Silver and hopefully a Gold, as I had beaten this opponent comfortably on previous occasions (he is the one being launched in the photo of the London Open, included in one of my previous vainglorious chapters).
So.... focused, trained and determined, I attacked and threw him inside 10 seconds, for what both of us considered an 10 point ippon score (flat on his back with force).
I subsequently checked this on a video and became even more convinced that the fight should have ended in my favour with this throw........
however it didn't!
We both stopped fighting for a split second and it dawned on me that I had been awarded a 7 point Wazari score meaning the contest would continue, barely had I tried to hold him on his back and finish the job and he was free.
No problem I thought, as he mounted a series of fairly ineffective attacks.
For almost the remainder of this fight I weathered this storm which grew in intensity as he
tried to regain the lead.
He was awarded a couple of penalty shidos for technical infringements, further increasing my comfortable
(surely unassailable Mark) lead.
Unassailable? Well no actually Mark, because you had 12 seconds left did you not?
Well did you!
So did you block him out (with what could only be described as outstanding tactical awareness) for the remaining 12 seconds?
You surely understood that you could even afford to get a penalty and still win comfortably?
No?
Oh dear.....
So you decided to finish it with another throw and got countered leaving you with Silver!
Haaa fool you deserve no more...
Then onto the young ones,where I smashed a few and got smashed by a few.
Then onto the Open Weight Open age group, risky, but I was by this time,
flinging my satin gloves in the face of any one who crossed my path
(not literally you understand but figuratively).
When I say risky my first fight in this group was against a friend Spiro Tomasevic, I believe he is in his late 30's, weighing about 120kg and about 6' 4" tall he is also very capable.
This man represents the kind of challenge I took on when attacking my father as a 3 year old.
Fortunately he is a decent and good judoka and made a serious effort to spare his opponents the battering he could have provided.
In all I had so much fun in the fights I lost, as well as those I won, that I will continue to compete on this semi casual basis
(who am I kidding, I will train harder, compete more often and then disembowelling the next person I fight, I shall slide in their entrails dance a slippery little jig, and laugh at their screams as the light dies in their eyes).
I would at this point like to remind our audience (who is the 'our' in this? I thought it was just me, or am I really developing a serious mental illness as my blog unfolds, note to self; possible film script here, 'mad blogger breaks down whilst blogging then embarks on judo killing spree')
Actually I was so damm happy to be able to compete, even with this MG, that I was enjoying myself more than I can remember at a judo contest and I mean ever..... so lots more please.
The thanks for my entering this go to a good friend Winnie Graham, who overcame a broken neck as a senior, followed by a stroke as a Master to win regularly with sublime judo.
He has a style the like of which most of us can only dream and it was a joy to watch him scythe through his opposition on Saturday.
At a time when I doubted I could continue, his private and intelligent messages convinced me that I should at least try again, this was at a time when many of my friends were handing out the "screw your cock back on and shut up" macho style of counselling.
Well intentioned, but lacking an understanding of how this MG had affected my psychology.
Serve me right for plastering it over FB then? Damm right too, it is slightly nauseating this public breast beating and I deserved the quality of advice I got once making myself available as public property.
The second risk........ well I am going to have leave you guessing but it included various attempts upon my life, a fast car and a person I love and respect beyond belief.
Next Chapters exciting episode?
Maybe maybe not.
Over and out (even though that's not how they end a radio transmission)
Dear God who is not real please help, I'm barely a sentence in and already, with the tangent bracket combos).
London calling.... London calling.... here is a radio silence ending blog.
At the weekend I took a risk or two,
the first risk was to enter another judo competition, following the previously mentioned (see Chapter 19) fiasco in Salisbury.
I put in a reasonable amount of training put on a few kilogrammes of weight (what else could it be eh? perhaps a few kilos of light.... or colour)?
The few kilos could so easily become the few more, I can yet prove my GP right and delight him by developing his predicted moonface.
So back to 90 kg please and fast...
I don't wish to breath my last on the WC with 25lbs of compacted poo in my bowel,
Elvis you were cool but that was not.
So at U100kg I am given a choice fight in the younger age group or fight the one person in my weight / age category as a straight final and then fight the younger ones but without being allowed a medal for it?
The latter choice offered me the guarantee of at least a Silver and hopefully a Gold, as I had beaten this opponent comfortably on previous occasions (he is the one being launched in the photo of the London Open, included in one of my previous vainglorious chapters).
So.... focused, trained and determined, I attacked and threw him inside 10 seconds, for what both of us considered an 10 point ippon score (flat on his back with force).
I subsequently checked this on a video and became even more convinced that the fight should have ended in my favour with this throw........
however it didn't!
We both stopped fighting for a split second and it dawned on me that I had been awarded a 7 point Wazari score meaning the contest would continue, barely had I tried to hold him on his back and finish the job and he was free.
No problem I thought, as he mounted a series of fairly ineffective attacks.
For almost the remainder of this fight I weathered this storm which grew in intensity as he
tried to regain the lead.
He was awarded a couple of penalty shidos for technical infringements, further increasing my comfortable
(surely unassailable Mark) lead.
Unassailable? Well no actually Mark, because you had 12 seconds left did you not?
Well did you!
So did you block him out (with what could only be described as outstanding tactical awareness) for the remaining 12 seconds?
You surely understood that you could even afford to get a penalty and still win comfortably?
No?
Oh dear.....
So you decided to finish it with another throw and got countered leaving you with Silver!
Haaa fool you deserve no more...
Then onto the young ones,where I smashed a few and got smashed by a few.
Then onto the Open Weight Open age group, risky, but I was by this time,
flinging my satin gloves in the face of any one who crossed my path
(not literally you understand but figuratively).
When I say risky my first fight in this group was against a friend Spiro Tomasevic, I believe he is in his late 30's, weighing about 120kg and about 6' 4" tall he is also very capable.
This man represents the kind of challenge I took on when attacking my father as a 3 year old.
Fortunately he is a decent and good judoka and made a serious effort to spare his opponents the battering he could have provided.
In all I had so much fun in the fights I lost, as well as those I won, that I will continue to compete on this semi casual basis
(who am I kidding, I will train harder, compete more often and then disembowelling the next person I fight, I shall slide in their entrails dance a slippery little jig, and laugh at their screams as the light dies in their eyes).
I would at this point like to remind our audience (who is the 'our' in this? I thought it was just me, or am I really developing a serious mental illness as my blog unfolds, note to self; possible film script here, 'mad blogger breaks down whilst blogging then embarks on judo killing spree')
Actually I was so damm happy to be able to compete, even with this MG, that I was enjoying myself more than I can remember at a judo contest and I mean ever..... so lots more please.
The thanks for my entering this go to a good friend Winnie Graham, who overcame a broken neck as a senior, followed by a stroke as a Master to win regularly with sublime judo.
He has a style the like of which most of us can only dream and it was a joy to watch him scythe through his opposition on Saturday.
At a time when I doubted I could continue, his private and intelligent messages convinced me that I should at least try again, this was at a time when many of my friends were handing out the "screw your cock back on and shut up" macho style of counselling.
Well intentioned, but lacking an understanding of how this MG had affected my psychology.
Serve me right for plastering it over FB then? Damm right too, it is slightly nauseating this public breast beating and I deserved the quality of advice I got once making myself available as public property.
The second risk........ well I am going to have leave you guessing but it included various attempts upon my life, a fast car and a person I love and respect beyond belief.
Next Chapters exciting episode?
Maybe maybe not.
Over and out (even though that's not how they end a radio transmission)
Thursday, 5 September 2013
20 Focused or Mad........ You the Reader Decide, in our latest exciting issue.
So I commit the cardinal sin, (difficult for an atheist, but God loves a trier)
by starting a sentence with 'so'
Pseudo intellectuals are doing this, on a radio or TV near you right now.
It's a really annoying affectation and once noticed, impossible to ignore or avoid.
My instinct is that people employ it as a way of adding some gravitas to what they are about to say, almost as if you, their listener, are their appreciative audience, awaiting enlightenment.
It started as a particularly West Coast American beardy professor style delivery, where the 'so' had to include a rising inflection, suggesting a question.
It has now spread to every fool, asked any question, on any topic......
So.... what is it with me.... is it that I have finally realised how to enforce boundaries?
Have I started to understand that fools do not have to be suffered?
Is it that at last my mind is finally focused and has learned to clarify when faced with confusion?
or
Am I suffering the effects of my steroid treatment?
The steroids offer the potential for either manic feelings or depression and so far I seem to have escaped lightly.
I have to concede however I have noticed a swelling level of drive and efficiency in me, almost like I am becoming super efficient.
I have been organising planning and filing things. with a drive that is breathtaking and insisting that everyone else conform to my new found structure.
Over the last few weeks my insomnia and levels of drive have escalated to a point where I am feeling almost rocket propelled.
This effect has no apparent downside for me although it may start seeding some of my friends.
I suspect a few friends have been left reeling at my new found levels of directness, I have stopped calling a spade a long handled digging implement...... as it were.
Case #1.
I lent a 3 Disc DVD collection on Innoue to a good friend, this is a Fighting Films £65 boxed set, but he is my friend.
A few months later I ask for and finally get them back.
Days after this I get a call...
"Mark I think you may have one of my DVD's as your 'The Uchi Mata' is in my 'Judo World Championship The Heavyweights' box.
I check...... he is right (perhaps for the last time on this blog).
I have his DVD in my box, and it was returned (by him) in error.
No problem we will swap when we meet, except that the next time we meet, its because he is returning course work to me that I also lent him about 6 months previously.
" I cant find that DVD"
Texts he
"Bollocks"
Thinks I
"Could you have another look at your place" and "are you sure you lent it to me?"
Texts he
"I definitely lent it to you"
Texts I
oh and ....."you lost it you stupid shitbag" thinks I
"Keep your hair on"
Texts he,
Did you get that? he was the one who alerted me to the fact that he had given me his DVD in error, Remember... he only realised this as he found mine, MINE! the one that he was now hinting I had never given him....
So he forgets the back story and then, surprised at my reaction asks me to keep my hair on.
On each of my replies I ended with "see you later" as I was about to go training and was also having a running row with my wife, whilst trying to deal with this.
Not unlike Hitler (I mean the war on two fronts not my temper you fools).
Note to self: give nothing lend nothing that you are not prepared to lose,
or, put more simply,
give nothing worth a shit to people that spend more time taking than giving...
Confronted by my re- telling of this sorry story face to face, he started to promise he would replace it, despite that I explained twice that I didn't need him to.
I had decided that with my life lesson learned I would replace it myself, but he continued to promise that he would (even explaining for reasons that are beyond me, that he had told his wife this and she agreed, so that's all right then).
I finally cracked telling him to "f*cking replace it then and stop saying you are going to"!
Guess what he said?.....
Go on guess.....
Keep your hair on! TWAT
Case #2
On Tuesday I got a voicemail from a local primary school where I teach twoclasses of judo each week.
I had previously been warned that the hall would be out of use in this first week of term.
This message however explained however, that the judo would not be able to restart until further notice as the breakfast club was now using it.
They promised they would be in touch when once they could give me a date to restart.
This is one of my favourite schools, and with two large classes it is also a significant part of my income.
I had already dropped an after school class at another school on Thursdays as a consequence of my helping my ailing freind and mentor Don Werner with Pinewood Judo Club.
With the news still boiling in my head I made a quick call to them to this school.
"How would you like me to reinstate that class but on Thursday mornings as I think I have found you a slot"
"Great"
said they
"Great"
said me
"No rush but when the judo restarts you had better explain to the parents that it will now be only one class and not two"
Said I to the other school.
"Oh what will we do? there are 40 children doing judo!"
I admit to a sense of satisfaction with the effect my news had on the, up until now relaxed
messenger.
"Start a waiting list"
Said I
Whilst it is not there fault, I cannot believe that this situation became apparent on the first day back,
and it is not my fault either. It is about me defending my family income I explained.
They were fairly casual with their approach to my business and this is not an approach I can share with them.
It moved in approx. 10 minutes from me needing them, to them understanding that they needed me.
I now seem to have developed an uncanny and useful knack of cutting straight through the embarrassed middle class footwork, that does no more than obscure unfairness.
Believe me I was Michael Flatley when it came to this offence avoidance footwork, well not anymore..
I am hopeful that the lessons I am learning through my steroid side effects are going to stay with me beyond the point where I come off of them.
Another silver lining thanks MG and better late than never eh?
Mr Direct coming to a town near you soon be straight be very straight....
by starting a sentence with 'so'
Pseudo intellectuals are doing this, on a radio or TV near you right now.
It's a really annoying affectation and once noticed, impossible to ignore or avoid.
My instinct is that people employ it as a way of adding some gravitas to what they are about to say, almost as if you, their listener, are their appreciative audience, awaiting enlightenment.
It started as a particularly West Coast American beardy professor style delivery, where the 'so' had to include a rising inflection, suggesting a question.
It has now spread to every fool, asked any question, on any topic......
So.... what is it with me.... is it that I have finally realised how to enforce boundaries?
Have I started to understand that fools do not have to be suffered?
Is it that at last my mind is finally focused and has learned to clarify when faced with confusion?
or
Am I suffering the effects of my steroid treatment?
The steroids offer the potential for either manic feelings or depression and so far I seem to have escaped lightly.
I have to concede however I have noticed a swelling level of drive and efficiency in me, almost like I am becoming super efficient.
I have been organising planning and filing things. with a drive that is breathtaking and insisting that everyone else conform to my new found structure.
Over the last few weeks my insomnia and levels of drive have escalated to a point where I am feeling almost rocket propelled.
This effect has no apparent downside for me although it may start seeding some of my friends.
I suspect a few friends have been left reeling at my new found levels of directness, I have stopped calling a spade a long handled digging implement...... as it were.
Case #1.
I lent a 3 Disc DVD collection on Innoue to a good friend, this is a Fighting Films £65 boxed set, but he is my friend.
A few months later I ask for and finally get them back.
Days after this I get a call...
"Mark I think you may have one of my DVD's as your 'The Uchi Mata' is in my 'Judo World Championship The Heavyweights' box.
I check...... he is right (perhaps for the last time on this blog).
I have his DVD in my box, and it was returned (by him) in error.
No problem we will swap when we meet, except that the next time we meet, its because he is returning course work to me that I also lent him about 6 months previously.
" I cant find that DVD"
Texts he
"Bollocks"
Thinks I
"Could you have another look at your place" and "are you sure you lent it to me?"
Texts he
"I definitely lent it to you"
Texts I
oh and ....."you lost it you stupid shitbag" thinks I
"Keep your hair on"
Texts he,
Did you get that? he was the one who alerted me to the fact that he had given me his DVD in error, Remember... he only realised this as he found mine, MINE! the one that he was now hinting I had never given him....
So he forgets the back story and then, surprised at my reaction asks me to keep my hair on.
On each of my replies I ended with "see you later" as I was about to go training and was also having a running row with my wife, whilst trying to deal with this.
Not unlike Hitler (I mean the war on two fronts not my temper you fools).
Note to self: give nothing lend nothing that you are not prepared to lose,
or, put more simply,
give nothing worth a shit to people that spend more time taking than giving...
Confronted by my re- telling of this sorry story face to face, he started to promise he would replace it, despite that I explained twice that I didn't need him to.
I had decided that with my life lesson learned I would replace it myself, but he continued to promise that he would (even explaining for reasons that are beyond me, that he had told his wife this and she agreed, so that's all right then).
I finally cracked telling him to "f*cking replace it then and stop saying you are going to"!
Guess what he said?.....
Go on guess.....
Keep your hair on! TWAT
Case #2
On Tuesday I got a voicemail from a local primary school where I teach twoclasses of judo each week.
I had previously been warned that the hall would be out of use in this first week of term.
This message however explained however, that the judo would not be able to restart until further notice as the breakfast club was now using it.
They promised they would be in touch when once they could give me a date to restart.
This is one of my favourite schools, and with two large classes it is also a significant part of my income.
I had already dropped an after school class at another school on Thursdays as a consequence of my helping my ailing freind and mentor Don Werner with Pinewood Judo Club.
With the news still boiling in my head I made a quick call to them to this school.
"How would you like me to reinstate that class but on Thursday mornings as I think I have found you a slot"
"Great"
said they
"Great"
said me
"No rush but when the judo restarts you had better explain to the parents that it will now be only one class and not two"
Said I to the other school.
"Oh what will we do? there are 40 children doing judo!"
I admit to a sense of satisfaction with the effect my news had on the, up until now relaxed
messenger.
"Start a waiting list"
Said I
Whilst it is not there fault, I cannot believe that this situation became apparent on the first day back,
and it is not my fault either. It is about me defending my family income I explained.
They were fairly casual with their approach to my business and this is not an approach I can share with them.
It moved in approx. 10 minutes from me needing them, to them understanding that they needed me.
I now seem to have developed an uncanny and useful knack of cutting straight through the embarrassed middle class footwork, that does no more than obscure unfairness.
Believe me I was Michael Flatley when it came to this offence avoidance footwork, well not anymore..
I am hopeful that the lessons I am learning through my steroid side effects are going to stay with me beyond the point where I come off of them.
Another silver lining thanks MG and better late than never eh?
Mr Direct coming to a town near you soon be straight be very straight....
Thursday, 29 August 2013
Chapter 19 The End of the Beginning?
My Dear blog,
I hope that this fine and sunny Thursday finds you in good spirits?
I am in a slightly euphoric mood (read manically positive), because my reliance on Mestinon the drug that alleviates the symptoms of MG is dwindling fast as the steroids do their job.
On a steroid day I now only seem to need between 2 and 4 tablets and on non steroid days no more than 4.
The maximum dose of 7.5 tablets was a regular dose not long ago and as I take them up to this limit on an 'as needed' basis they remain a good indicator of what level of symptom I am facing.
To help me decide whether the MG had finished my contest career a couple of weeks ago I entered a small competition in Salisbury, entering the masters U90kg section. In retrospect it was an unrealistic test of my
reduced potential as I had not trained for a couple of months I had dropped a lot of weight in a short period and having sweated off the last Kilo in the sauna to make weight at 9am I then had to wait until 4pm to compete. With only 3 fights available in my group I agreed to fight an Under 100kg and an over 100kg competitor. This was ok in pricipal but they made my first fight the fatty open weight person.
I use the term person in a loose fashion scowling bristly tub of lard would be more accurate.
He had very strong and negative Judo with very little in the way of attacking technique.
I should have opened him up with movement and a high tempo but rustiness on my part meant that I attacked with an overly optimistic shoulder throw which he blocked so forcefully I damaged my left elbow.
Unable to grip with my left hand a difficult task became impossible and I lost to a hold down., submitting rather than suffer the indignity of laying under a beached whale. The next fight was against the U100kg fighter* *(note the term fighter not 'player' a term now seemingly adopted by commentators and even coaches in some misguided attempt to make judo feel more like other sports, boxers don't 'play' boxing they do it. Footballers don't 'do' football they play it. while I'm still in brackets FFS please stop calling Judoka or if you like Judo fighters 'athletes', it is a crass dumbing down and plays to the idea that we should broaden its appeal to get more money into it. They presumably think that if they can blur the edges enough it might at some point become as popular as track and field events, it wont by the way. To enjoy judo it is necessary to invest time in understanding it, educating the audience might be a better idea. Failing this I am determined to start a campaign devoted to changing the term 'athlete' where applied to track and field into 'fighters' long jumpers will be known as 'long jump fighters'. There.... perhaps my longest use of brackets ever, now where was I? Nurse..... Nurse...I need help!). and club mate Geoff Torrington within seconds I realised that I was still unable to grip effectivly and with nothing to gain from a protracted battle, I whispered to him that I was about to gift him his 2nd Dan by way of a 'jump'. He threw me with a low Seoi Nage that I underlined with an enormous breakfall. This got a round of applause from the audience and.... to my shame, I wanted to shout at all of them and explain that I had jumped (still the spoilt over competitive child at heart),
any way I didn't
explain....
and he did,
get his remaining 10 points against a higher grade and his second Dan.
So that's all right then?
NO OF COURSE IT ISN'T!
I was so depressed that my competitive judo was at an end that I made the mistake of posting my thoughts on Facebook. This got got so many people telling me to fight on / get a grip / man up etc.
It was as far as I was concerned a decision being forced on me by this disease, after 43 years and with coaching my priority was it really such a bad idea to stop, was it not my business (yes so why put on a public message board then)? The fact is now that I have had chance to digest all of this, I think that there were too many things in the mix for me to be able to make a reasonable decision about post MG competition. So take out the other factors .... train and prepare for the Nationals at my new weight... make the weight before the event not on the day....refuse to fight out of my weight group unless ()crucially) its after my U90kg fights.
Last night at Pinewood Judo Club I felt really alive in a way that is difficult to explain, I think it
was probably that I was, for the first time practicing judo in a 'normal' non diseased way. I honestly couldn't notice any of the weakness or fuzziness that MG brings. This made me feel like I was boosted beyond normal, to a higher level. My long time friend and judo training partner Paul Knight said he could feel no evidence of the disease in me either and said he thought it had "gone away".
It made me realise that, when you have trained for 43 years on a weekly basis with someone, you get to know their body through movement almost as an extension of your own.
My weight reduction (sorry GP your predicted moon face and steroid weight gain is still nowhere to be seen)
has made me more mobile and add that to my normality high and I was on fire in Randori (free sparring).... not literally on fire of course, that would be silly
Watching the Judo World Championships which are being live streamed from Rio has been fantastic over the last few days and.... having flirted with MMA and BJJ (mixed martial arts and Brazilian Jui Jitsu)
the pause forced on me by MG gave me a great chance to step back and consider everything objectively.
Now, tired of acronyms I have returned to my one true love.....
JUDO!
shout it from the mountain tops
JUDO!
spray it on car park walls
JUDO!
tattoo it on your foreheads
So with only three weeks left to the Nationals and one embarrassing performance in Salisbury to put away
watch this space.
Now back to Rio........
I hope that this fine and sunny Thursday finds you in good spirits?
I am in a slightly euphoric mood (read manically positive), because my reliance on Mestinon the drug that alleviates the symptoms of MG is dwindling fast as the steroids do their job.
On a steroid day I now only seem to need between 2 and 4 tablets and on non steroid days no more than 4.
The maximum dose of 7.5 tablets was a regular dose not long ago and as I take them up to this limit on an 'as needed' basis they remain a good indicator of what level of symptom I am facing.
To help me decide whether the MG had finished my contest career a couple of weeks ago I entered a small competition in Salisbury, entering the masters U90kg section. In retrospect it was an unrealistic test of my
reduced potential as I had not trained for a couple of months I had dropped a lot of weight in a short period and having sweated off the last Kilo in the sauna to make weight at 9am I then had to wait until 4pm to compete. With only 3 fights available in my group I agreed to fight an Under 100kg and an over 100kg competitor. This was ok in pricipal but they made my first fight the fatty open weight person.
I use the term person in a loose fashion scowling bristly tub of lard would be more accurate.
He had very strong and negative Judo with very little in the way of attacking technique.
I should have opened him up with movement and a high tempo but rustiness on my part meant that I attacked with an overly optimistic shoulder throw which he blocked so forcefully I damaged my left elbow.
Unable to grip with my left hand a difficult task became impossible and I lost to a hold down., submitting rather than suffer the indignity of laying under a beached whale. The next fight was against the U100kg fighter* *(note the term fighter not 'player' a term now seemingly adopted by commentators and even coaches in some misguided attempt to make judo feel more like other sports, boxers don't 'play' boxing they do it. Footballers don't 'do' football they play it. while I'm still in brackets FFS please stop calling Judoka or if you like Judo fighters 'athletes', it is a crass dumbing down and plays to the idea that we should broaden its appeal to get more money into it. They presumably think that if they can blur the edges enough it might at some point become as popular as track and field events, it wont by the way. To enjoy judo it is necessary to invest time in understanding it, educating the audience might be a better idea. Failing this I am determined to start a campaign devoted to changing the term 'athlete' where applied to track and field into 'fighters' long jumpers will be known as 'long jump fighters'. There.... perhaps my longest use of brackets ever, now where was I? Nurse..... Nurse...I need help!). and club mate Geoff Torrington within seconds I realised that I was still unable to grip effectivly and with nothing to gain from a protracted battle, I whispered to him that I was about to gift him his 2nd Dan by way of a 'jump'. He threw me with a low Seoi Nage that I underlined with an enormous breakfall. This got a round of applause from the audience and.... to my shame, I wanted to shout at all of them and explain that I had jumped (still the spoilt over competitive child at heart),
any way I didn't
explain....
and he did,
get his remaining 10 points against a higher grade and his second Dan.
So that's all right then?
NO OF COURSE IT ISN'T!
I was so depressed that my competitive judo was at an end that I made the mistake of posting my thoughts on Facebook. This got got so many people telling me to fight on / get a grip / man up etc.
It was as far as I was concerned a decision being forced on me by this disease, after 43 years and with coaching my priority was it really such a bad idea to stop, was it not my business (yes so why put on a public message board then)? The fact is now that I have had chance to digest all of this, I think that there were too many things in the mix for me to be able to make a reasonable decision about post MG competition. So take out the other factors .... train and prepare for the Nationals at my new weight... make the weight before the event not on the day....refuse to fight out of my weight group unless ()crucially) its after my U90kg fights.
Last night at Pinewood Judo Club I felt really alive in a way that is difficult to explain, I think it
was probably that I was, for the first time practicing judo in a 'normal' non diseased way. I honestly couldn't notice any of the weakness or fuzziness that MG brings. This made me feel like I was boosted beyond normal, to a higher level. My long time friend and judo training partner Paul Knight said he could feel no evidence of the disease in me either and said he thought it had "gone away".
It made me realise that, when you have trained for 43 years on a weekly basis with someone, you get to know their body through movement almost as an extension of your own.
My weight reduction (sorry GP your predicted moon face and steroid weight gain is still nowhere to be seen)
has made me more mobile and add that to my normality high and I was on fire in Randori (free sparring).... not literally on fire of course, that would be silly
Watching the Judo World Championships which are being live streamed from Rio has been fantastic over the last few days and.... having flirted with MMA and BJJ (mixed martial arts and Brazilian Jui Jitsu)
the pause forced on me by MG gave me a great chance to step back and consider everything objectively.
Now, tired of acronyms I have returned to my one true love.....
JUDO!
shout it from the mountain tops
JUDO!
spray it on car park walls
JUDO!
tattoo it on your foreheads
So with only three weeks left to the Nationals and one embarrassing performance in Salisbury to put away
watch this space.
Now back to Rio........
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
Chapter 18 Three days and counting......
Hello old friend,
Having just checked I realise that I have not been drawn to 'blog' (who thought that name up, it sounds like something that happens in your pants) since August 3rd.
Given that I use it generally as a crutch to relieve myself of frustration... (ooh er, is it me or have I dropped into some 'Carry On Blogging' double entendre fest).
I digress... essentially.... and to cut to the chase........ (without further recourse to brackets)
The last couple of weeks have been unremarkable, (which is remarkable)
bollocks these brackets are like Tourrettes.
My great Neurologist Doctor Armstrong (I feel slightly reticent about my effusive compliments now, as he may read this, but they are staying in, no apologies) has explained that my blood test confirmed what he told me as I walked into his office the first time we met, I have MG, he has well trained eyes, and was never in doubt.
I also heard that my scan indicated no abnormality of my Thymus gland which is a relief.
My ill informed hopes for a Thymectomy (spell check makes that Historectomy, I'll try it if it helps)
were both ill informed and premature, I am improving so quickly there are moments when I forget that I have anything wrong with me. Like last Saturday night at a wedding reception without Mestinon....
I forgot it as I felt so well and the MG came knocking by way of my nasal slurring speech impediment.
It was like a stroll down memory lane for me and got me feeling all nostalgic for the good old days..... NOT
I think most people assumed I was pissed, which was fine and dandy because I didn't really know them well,
I will just decay in their memory as "that bloke with the funny eyes, you know, the pissed one".
I wasn't by the way... I'll have you know!
Steroids have not, as yet, produced the much anticipated balloon face, so I may have to throw away my North Korean General's Uniform (check Chapter 9 and keep up please).
I took the promised weight gain as a challenge from my GP who, when I last saw him, looked almost annoyed that his prediction had not, as yet come to pass....
"oh you will eventually",
he said..
"oh ok"
I said
(f!ck you")
I thought.
So with my weight at a slender 91.6 kg and my deadline of Sunday for U90 kg all is looking good
for my first post MG contest. If it goes ok then I shall enter the Nationals in September and of course jump up and down like a small child shouting with excitement. With limits on my endurance and outright strength, I shall have to make sure my Judo is good and try and win quickly. Sounds easy enough written like that.
See I managed without brackets there (so far, thinks the dear reader) DOH!
I'm just messing about now, I can give up brackets whenever I choose OK......?
I am just a social bracket user, I think the government should legalise them and tax them using the revenue raised to help problem bracket users get clean and put their lives back together.
I'm ashamed to say that having given up smoking a long time back, my childish reaction to my diagnosis
was to light a cigarette.
"OK I tried healthy", went the perverse and twisted logic "look where that got me".
Lets try the debilitating disease with a life threatening habit combo shall we kids?
I quickly realised that an important shift had happened in my consciousness, whilst chasing fitness I had changed the way I saw myself.
This meant that rather than taking up smoking, I felt I was giving something up, relinquishing something fundamental about the way I saw myself. It has been a huge relief to stop again and begin feeling positive
about myself almost immediately.
They stink...and it stinks, people earn millions from killing their customers.. (that stinks).
I'm taking up brackets.
Love love love and a weeny bit of fightyness please
Having just checked I realise that I have not been drawn to 'blog' (who thought that name up, it sounds like something that happens in your pants) since August 3rd.
Given that I use it generally as a crutch to relieve myself of frustration... (ooh er, is it me or have I dropped into some 'Carry On Blogging' double entendre fest).
I digress... essentially.... and to cut to the chase........ (without further recourse to brackets)
The last couple of weeks have been unremarkable, (which is remarkable)
bollocks these brackets are like Tourrettes.
My great Neurologist Doctor Armstrong (I feel slightly reticent about my effusive compliments now, as he may read this, but they are staying in, no apologies) has explained that my blood test confirmed what he told me as I walked into his office the first time we met, I have MG, he has well trained eyes, and was never in doubt.
I also heard that my scan indicated no abnormality of my Thymus gland which is a relief.
My ill informed hopes for a Thymectomy (spell check makes that Historectomy, I'll try it if it helps)
were both ill informed and premature, I am improving so quickly there are moments when I forget that I have anything wrong with me. Like last Saturday night at a wedding reception without Mestinon....
I forgot it as I felt so well and the MG came knocking by way of my nasal slurring speech impediment.
It was like a stroll down memory lane for me and got me feeling all nostalgic for the good old days..... NOT
I think most people assumed I was pissed, which was fine and dandy because I didn't really know them well,
I will just decay in their memory as "that bloke with the funny eyes, you know, the pissed one".
I wasn't by the way... I'll have you know!
Steroids have not, as yet, produced the much anticipated balloon face, so I may have to throw away my North Korean General's Uniform (check Chapter 9 and keep up please).
I took the promised weight gain as a challenge from my GP who, when I last saw him, looked almost annoyed that his prediction had not, as yet come to pass....
"oh you will eventually",
he said..
"oh ok"
I said
(f!ck you")
I thought.
So with my weight at a slender 91.6 kg and my deadline of Sunday for U90 kg all is looking good
for my first post MG contest. If it goes ok then I shall enter the Nationals in September and of course jump up and down like a small child shouting with excitement. With limits on my endurance and outright strength, I shall have to make sure my Judo is good and try and win quickly. Sounds easy enough written like that.
See I managed without brackets there (so far, thinks the dear reader) DOH!
I'm just messing about now, I can give up brackets whenever I choose OK......?
I am just a social bracket user, I think the government should legalise them and tax them using the revenue raised to help problem bracket users get clean and put their lives back together.
I'm ashamed to say that having given up smoking a long time back, my childish reaction to my diagnosis
was to light a cigarette.
"OK I tried healthy", went the perverse and twisted logic "look where that got me".
Lets try the debilitating disease with a life threatening habit combo shall we kids?
I quickly realised that an important shift had happened in my consciousness, whilst chasing fitness I had changed the way I saw myself.
This meant that rather than taking up smoking, I felt I was giving something up, relinquishing something fundamental about the way I saw myself. It has been a huge relief to stop again and begin feeling positive
about myself almost immediately.
They stink...and it stinks, people earn millions from killing their customers.. (that stinks).
I'm taking up brackets.
Love love love and a weeny bit of fightyness please
Saturday, 3 August 2013
Chapter 17 Steady as she goes....
Dr Jigoro Kano the person who devised Judo wrote "At the Kodokan we study and practice techniques with the purpose of using mental and physical energy most effectively in order to achieve one's goals no matter what the endeavor, which is the basic principal of judo."
What a smart man....
Despite 43 years doing judo and now 4 years teaching it full time it took MG to force me to use a judo approach to my life.
For some people age or disability forces them to consider physical tasks in a different way.
I have been getting stronger on an almost daily basis now for about a week, and whilst this could be a false dawn it is encouraging.
My strength and endurance is still a long way from where it was and probably always will be, but my new way of approaching things is just so much more efficient.
I have just unloaded and carried my judo mats from my van to the shed, BMG (before MG) this would have been a frantic 10 at a time crashing of the walls sweating and swearing event, completed in maybe 15 minutes,
AMG (after MG) It was a 5 at a time serene stroll leaving me space to think.
I took the time to carefully re-arrange the shed, nothing got in my way or fell over whilst I placed the mats, I even found time to carry a few zeppelin sized bumble bees out of the shed first.
Start to finish maybe 20 minutes, no sweat, no swearing....
Happy days thanks Jigoro and sorry I didn't listen.
I have to carry this efficiency into my thinking and everyday life which was always Dr Kano's bigger idea, he never considered that Judo was just another fighting art it was always intended to be so much more.
The 'Do' in judo in fact means way and the 'Ju' translates as efficient NOT gentle which is a common mistranslation..
My mum has understood this principal for years, forced by her arthritis to take things steadily,
I am reminded that, just prior to my diagnosis, I joined her in trying to clear moss from the terrace in her garden.
She was using a stick with a pointed piece of metal to dislodge one tiny lump at a time.
I suggested that the whole job could be done so much faster with my jet washer (and it could Mum).
She refused explaining that this would cause too much mess and wash the moss onto the garden (and it would Mark).
At the time, standing there with a stiff broom and joining her, in what seemed like a ridiculous waste of time I was angry at what seemed like her inability to understand.
I am now reminded that it was me that didn't understand.
Didn't understand that there was no time limit,
Didn't understand that this was a great opportunity to work together
on something and talk.
Great judo mum.
My Sensei and long time friend is suffering from a serious illness and has asked me to cover his junior sessions in his abscence at Pinewood Judo Club.
It is a great honour to have his trust and I feel the weight of responsibilty for what is so dear to him.
It has been a challenge to fit this alongside all of my other responsibilities (judo and otherwise) but
I think I have made a reasonable job so far, with a self awarded 8 out of 10 last week and a slightly disappointing 5 out of 10 this week.
Sadly some children have left the club to train elsewhere before my Sensei's illness was diagnosed.
This initially angered me but in this, as everything else I have to think more in a more judo way.
I cannot help those that have exercised their free will to move elsewhere.
I should not judge them, I cannot see from their point of view.
I should not harbor resentment as this is self destructive.
I can concentrate all of my efforts in helping those that have shown respect and loyalty.
I can work hard to be a great coach.
I can make use all of the great judo talent available around the club.
Aaaaaand We can kick their arses somewhere when we meet them at a competition!
Did you think I had gone all hippy Zen on you again?
Peace baby but just a bit of fighting here and there please.
Despite 43 years doing judo and now 4 years teaching it full time it took MG to force me to use a judo approach to my life.
For some people age or disability forces them to consider physical tasks in a different way.
I have been getting stronger on an almost daily basis now for about a week, and whilst this could be a false dawn it is encouraging.
My strength and endurance is still a long way from where it was and probably always will be, but my new way of approaching things is just so much more efficient.
I have just unloaded and carried my judo mats from my van to the shed, BMG (before MG) this would have been a frantic 10 at a time crashing of the walls sweating and swearing event, completed in maybe 15 minutes,
AMG (after MG) It was a 5 at a time serene stroll leaving me space to think.
I took the time to carefully re-arrange the shed, nothing got in my way or fell over whilst I placed the mats, I even found time to carry a few zeppelin sized bumble bees out of the shed first.
Start to finish maybe 20 minutes, no sweat, no swearing....
Happy days thanks Jigoro and sorry I didn't listen.
I have to carry this efficiency into my thinking and everyday life which was always Dr Kano's bigger idea, he never considered that Judo was just another fighting art it was always intended to be so much more.
The 'Do' in judo in fact means way and the 'Ju' translates as efficient NOT gentle which is a common mistranslation..
My mum has understood this principal for years, forced by her arthritis to take things steadily,
I am reminded that, just prior to my diagnosis, I joined her in trying to clear moss from the terrace in her garden.
She was using a stick with a pointed piece of metal to dislodge one tiny lump at a time.
I suggested that the whole job could be done so much faster with my jet washer (and it could Mum).
She refused explaining that this would cause too much mess and wash the moss onto the garden (and it would Mark).
At the time, standing there with a stiff broom and joining her, in what seemed like a ridiculous waste of time I was angry at what seemed like her inability to understand.
I am now reminded that it was me that didn't understand.
Didn't understand that there was no time limit,
Didn't understand that this was a great opportunity to work together
on something and talk.
Great judo mum.
My Sensei and long time friend is suffering from a serious illness and has asked me to cover his junior sessions in his abscence at Pinewood Judo Club.
It is a great honour to have his trust and I feel the weight of responsibilty for what is so dear to him.
It has been a challenge to fit this alongside all of my other responsibilities (judo and otherwise) but
I think I have made a reasonable job so far, with a self awarded 8 out of 10 last week and a slightly disappointing 5 out of 10 this week.
Sadly some children have left the club to train elsewhere before my Sensei's illness was diagnosed.
This initially angered me but in this, as everything else I have to think more in a more judo way.
I cannot help those that have exercised their free will to move elsewhere.
I should not judge them, I cannot see from their point of view.
I should not harbor resentment as this is self destructive.
I can concentrate all of my efforts in helping those that have shown respect and loyalty.
I can work hard to be a great coach.
I can make use all of the great judo talent available around the club.
Aaaaaand We can kick their arses somewhere when we meet them at a competition!
Did you think I had gone all hippy Zen on you again?
Peace baby but just a bit of fighting here and there please.
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