chapter 15 no jokes here

This was saved as a draft yesterday on my phone and sums up how things can feel at the low points,

Laying on my bed recovering from an hour of what was meant to be a social with Geoff Torrington. poor Geoff hanging on every distorted syllable that I managed to drag from my diseased mouth.
Did I say felt was surfing in front of this tidal wave of symptoms? Well guess what I just got hit by the tidal wave. my right arm and hand are weakened as are my legs. trying to explain this to an old friend in the pub just now with my speech so badly affected left me depressed and him confused. where does this stop? 
It is certainly giving me a kicking at the moment, I have never felt so fu*king tired and old. why the *?....... just say it shall we.... FUCKING... there you all know what meant anyway! 

One hour to my CT scan  so  now to sleep perchance to dream

Now 12 hours later all much chirpier and fairly symptom free.
I had my scan and I am hoping that I might be considered for a Thymectomy (removal of my Thymus gland).
I seem to satisfy the criteria as this is a reasonably developed case of mg, I am healthy and under 60 years old.
Whilst I have read that this is not a cure, it does offer the possibility of reduced symptoms and drug therapy.
Although a serious operation, particularly if they go for complete removal (by opening at my sternum), with a long recovery time, I would be prepared to take the risk versus benefit gamble.

I surveyed the last part of my friend's pub yesterday in order to complete my first post mg drawing.
It feels strange to be drawing again after all that has happened and although I am slower at both measuring and drawing I can still do it.

So a small victory.

A small victory is not I am hoping for later today, when I go to see my friend 'Duggy' AKA Mark Douglas box someones lips off in Milton Keynes.
He is one seriously focused fighter who has recovered well from a dislocated shoulder suffered a couple of years ago during a fight at York Hall. He boxed on for a few minutes and continued to use his dislocated shoulder to punch!
This is his 3rd Pro comeback fight and all is looking good for him.

I wonder what draws me to martial arts (and yes boxing is a fine martial art), I think it is that life has become so sanitised, controlled and lacking in drama, that MMA Boxing Brazilian Jui Jitsu and of course Judo offer the kind of visceral excitement missing from daily existence.

There is a chance to really understand yourself at a fundamental level when you are tested in these circumstances and my stumbling return to practicing judo last Wednesday was, I hope my first step back to an eventual return to competition.

C'mon you steroids.......... (picks up an England flag and bare chested, with arms splayed begins throwing plastic chairs up a high street somewhere in Belgium)


Go Duggie go DUGGIE, DO IM SON......DO IM!

Zen Buddhism anyone?