Chapter 19 The End of the Beginning?

My Dear blog,
I hope that this fine and sunny Thursday finds you in good spirits?
I am in a slightly euphoric mood (read manically positive), because my reliance on Mestinon the drug that alleviates the symptoms of MG is dwindling fast as the steroids do their job.
On a steroid day I now only seem to need between 2 and 4 tablets and on non steroid days no more than 4.
The maximum dose of 7.5 tablets was a regular dose not long ago and as I take them up to this limit on an 'as needed' basis they remain a good indicator of what level of symptom I am facing.

To help me decide whether the MG had finished my contest career a couple of weeks ago I entered a small competition in Salisbury, entering the masters U90kg section. In retrospect it was an unrealistic test of my
reduced potential as I had not trained for a couple of months I had dropped a lot of weight in a short period and having sweated off the last Kilo in the sauna to make weight at 9am I then had to wait until 4pm to compete. With only 3 fights available in my group I agreed to fight an Under 100kg and an over 100kg competitor. This was ok in pricipal but they made my first fight the fatty open weight person.
I use the term person in a loose fashion scowling bristly tub of lard would be more accurate.
He had very strong and negative Judo with very little in the way of attacking technique.
I should have opened him up with movement and a high tempo but rustiness on my part meant that I attacked with an overly optimistic shoulder throw which he blocked so forcefully I damaged my left elbow.
Unable to grip with my left hand a difficult task became impossible and I lost to a hold down., submitting rather than suffer the indignity of laying under a beached whale. The next fight was against the U100kg fighter* *(note the term fighter not 'player' a term now seemingly adopted by commentators and even coaches in some misguided attempt to make judo feel more like other sports, boxers don't 'play' boxing they do it. Footballers don't 'do' football they play it. while I'm still in brackets FFS please stop calling Judoka or if you like Judo fighters 'athletes', it is a crass dumbing down and plays to the idea that we should broaden its appeal to get more money into it. They presumably think that if they can blur the edges enough it might at some point become as popular as track and field events, it wont by the way. To enjoy judo it is necessary to invest time in understanding it, educating the audience might be a better idea. Failing this I am determined to start a campaign devoted to changing the term 'athlete' where applied to track and field into 'fighters' long jumpers will be known as 'long jump fighters'. There.... perhaps my longest use of brackets ever, now where was I? Nurse..... Nurse...I need help!). and club mate Geoff Torrington within seconds I realised that I was still unable to grip effectivly and with nothing to gain from a protracted battle, I whispered to him that I was about to gift him his 2nd Dan by way of a 'jump'. He threw me with a low Seoi Nage that I underlined with an enormous breakfall. This got a round of applause from the audience and.... to my shame, I wanted to shout at all of them and explain that I had jumped (still the spoilt over competitive child at heart),

any way I didn't
explain....

and he did,
get his remaining 10 points against a higher grade and his second Dan.

So that's all right then?

NO OF COURSE IT ISN'T!

I was so depressed that my competitive judo was at an end that I made the mistake of posting my thoughts on Facebook. This got got so many people telling me to fight on / get a grip / man up etc.
It was as far as I was concerned a decision being forced on me by this disease, after 43 years and with coaching my priority was it really such a bad idea to stop, was it not my business (yes so why put on a public message board then)?   The fact is now that I have had chance to digest all of this, I think that there were too many things in the mix for me to be able to make a reasonable decision about post MG competition. So take out the other factors .... train and prepare for the Nationals at my new weight... make the weight before the event not on the day....refuse to fight out of my weight group unless ()crucially) its after my U90kg fights.

Last night at Pinewood Judo Club I felt really alive in a way that is difficult to explain, I think it
was probably that I was, for the first time practicing judo in a 'normal' non diseased way. I honestly couldn't notice any of the weakness or fuzziness that MG brings. This made me feel like I was boosted beyond normal, to a higher level. My long time friend and judo training partner Paul Knight said he could feel no evidence of the disease in me either and said he thought it had "gone away".

It made me realise that, when you have trained for 43 years on a weekly basis with someone, you get to know their body through movement almost as an extension of your own.

My weight reduction (sorry GP your predicted moon face and steroid weight gain is still nowhere to be seen)
has made me more mobile and add that to my normality high and I was on fire in Randori (free sparring).... not literally on fire of course, that would be silly

Watching the Judo World Championships which are being live streamed from Rio has been fantastic over the last few days and.... having flirted with MMA and BJJ (mixed martial arts and Brazilian Jui Jitsu)
the pause forced on me by MG gave me a great chance to step back and consider everything objectively.

Now, tired of acronyms I have returned to my one true love.....

JUDO!
shout it from the mountain tops

JUDO!
spray it on car park walls

JUDO!
tattoo it on your foreheads

So with only three weeks left to the Nationals and one embarrassing performance in Salisbury to put away
watch this space.



Now back to Rio........

Chapter 18 Three days and counting......

Hello old friend,
Having just checked I realise that I have not been drawn to 'blog' (who thought that name up, it sounds like something that happens in your pants) since August 3rd.
Given that I use it generally as a crutch to relieve myself of frustration... (ooh er, is it me or have I dropped into some 'Carry On Blogging' double entendre fest).

I digress... essentially.... and to cut to the chase........ (without further recourse to brackets)

The last couple of weeks have been unremarkable, (which is remarkable)
bollocks these brackets are like Tourrettes.

My great Neurologist Doctor Armstrong (I feel slightly reticent about my effusive compliments now, as he may read this, but they are staying in, no apologies) has explained that my blood test confirmed what he told me as I walked into his office the first time we met, I have MG, he has well trained eyes, and was never in doubt.
I also heard that my scan indicated no abnormality of my Thymus gland which is a relief.
My ill informed hopes for a Thymectomy (spell check makes that Historectomy, I'll try it if it helps)
were both ill informed and premature, I am improving so quickly there are moments when I forget that I have anything wrong with me. Like last Saturday night at a wedding reception without Mestinon....
I forgot it as I felt so well and the MG came knocking by way of my nasal slurring speech impediment.

It was like a stroll down memory lane for me and got me feeling all nostalgic for the good old days..... NOT

I think most people assumed I was pissed, which was fine and dandy because I didn't really know them well,
I will just decay in their memory as "that bloke with the funny eyes, you know, the pissed one".
I wasn't by the way... I'll have you know!

Steroids have not, as yet, produced the much anticipated balloon face, so I may have to throw away my North Korean General's Uniform (check Chapter 9 and keep up please).
I took the promised weight gain as a challenge from my GP who, when I last saw him, looked almost annoyed that his prediction had not, as yet come to pass....

"oh you will eventually",
 he said..

 "oh ok"
 I said

 (f!ck you")
 I thought.

So with my weight at a slender 91.6 kg and my deadline of Sunday for U90 kg all is looking good
for my first post MG contest. If it goes ok then I shall enter the Nationals in September and of course jump up and down like a small child shouting with excitement. With limits on my endurance and outright strength, I shall have to make sure my Judo is good and try and win quickly. Sounds easy enough written like that.

See I managed without brackets there (so far, thinks the dear reader) DOH!
I'm just messing about now, I can give up brackets whenever I choose OK......?
I am just a social bracket user, I think the government should legalise them and tax them using the revenue raised to help problem bracket users get clean and put their lives back together.

I'm ashamed to say that having given up smoking a long time back, my childish reaction to my diagnosis
was to light a cigarette.
"OK I tried healthy", went the perverse and twisted logic "look where that got me".
Lets try the debilitating disease with a life threatening habit combo shall we kids?

I quickly realised that an important shift had happened in my consciousness, whilst chasing fitness I had changed the way I saw myself.
This meant that rather than taking up smoking, I felt I was giving something up, relinquishing something fundamental  about the way I saw myself. It has been a huge relief to stop again and begin feeling positive
about myself almost immediately.

They stink...and it stinks, people earn millions from killing their customers.. (that stinks).

I'm taking up brackets.


Love love love and a weeny bit of fightyness please



   
 

Chapter 17 Steady as she goes....

Dr Jigoro Kano the person who devised Judo wrote "At the Kodokan we study and practice techniques with the purpose of using mental and physical energy most effectively in order to achieve one's goals no matter what the endeavor, which is the basic principal of judo."

What a smart man....


Despite 43 years doing judo and now 4 years teaching it full time it took MG to force me to use a judo approach to my life.

For some people age or disability forces them to consider physical tasks in a different way.
I have been getting stronger on an almost daily basis now for about a week, and whilst this could be a false dawn it is encouraging.
My strength and endurance is still a long way from where it was and probably always will be, but my new way of approaching things is just so much more efficient.
I have just unloaded and carried my judo mats from my van to the shed, BMG (before MG) this would have been a frantic 10 at a time crashing of the walls sweating and swearing event, completed in maybe 15 minutes,
AMG (after MG) It was a 5 at a time serene stroll leaving me space to think.
I took the time to carefully re-arrange the shed, nothing got in my way or fell over whilst I placed the mats, I even found time to carry a few zeppelin sized bumble bees out of the shed first.
Start to finish maybe 20 minutes, no sweat, no swearing....

Happy days thanks Jigoro and sorry I didn't listen.

I have to carry this efficiency into my thinking and everyday life which was always Dr Kano's bigger idea, he never considered that Judo was just another fighting art it was always intended to be so much more.
The 'Do' in judo in fact means way and the 'Ju' translates as efficient NOT gentle which is a common mistranslation..

My mum has understood this principal for years, forced by her arthritis to take things steadily,
I am reminded that, just prior to my diagnosis, I joined her in trying to clear moss from the terrace in her garden.
She was using a stick with a pointed piece of metal to dislodge one tiny lump at a time.
I suggested that the whole job could be done so much faster with my jet washer (and it could Mum).
She refused explaining that this would cause too much mess and wash the moss onto the garden (and it would Mark).

At the time, standing there with a stiff broom and joining her, in what seemed like a ridiculous waste of time I was angry at what seemed like her inability to understand.

I am now reminded that it was me that didn't understand.

Didn't understand that there was no time limit,
Didn't understand that this was a great opportunity to work together
on something and talk.

Great judo mum.

My Sensei and long time friend is suffering from a serious illness and has asked me to cover his junior sessions in his abscence at Pinewood Judo Club.
It is a great honour to have his trust and I feel the weight of responsibilty for what is so dear to him.
It has been a challenge to fit this alongside all of my other responsibilities (judo and otherwise) but
I think I have made a reasonable job so far, with a self awarded 8 out of 10 last week and a slightly disappointing 5 out of 10 this week.

Sadly some children have left the club to train elsewhere before my Sensei's illness was diagnosed.
This initially angered me but in this, as everything else I have to think more in a more judo way.

I cannot help those that have exercised their free will to move elsewhere.
I should not judge them, I cannot see from their point of view.
I should not harbor resentment as this is self destructive.


I can concentrate all of my efforts in helping those that have shown respect and loyalty.
I can work hard to be a great coach.
I can make use all of the great judo talent available around the club.


Aaaaaand We can kick their arses somewhere when we meet them at a competition!



Did you think I had gone all hippy Zen on you again?

Peace baby but just a bit of fighting here and there please.