21 Tempus Fugit

My face is illuminated by the white light of the puter and I am listening to the sounds of 5.20 am.
Snuffling breathing wife and toddler sounds, strangely comforting sounds but I wish that I could sleep.

This insomnia is a symptom of the steroids apparently and something I shall have to accept, at least until
I start to reduce the dose. Dr Armstrong was pleased with my progress and at our last meeting suggested that in December my dose will begin being reduced.
This makes me happy as I am not certain but suspect that there is a slight thickening below my chin and around my neck.....

 AAAAAAAGH BLOODY MOON FACE!

It is easy for me to forget that, back at the beginning, I was struggling to talk or see,
now, a few short months later here I am having a little princess moment.
Bloody GP will be a bit smug though.

When I started this blog it was a way to release the pressure of my situation and communicate with anyone interested in my situation, and this is why it was titled after the disease (this feels like a constraint to the content now, so forgive me if I wander off piste, also forgive the bloody brackets....again).

Overtime however I confess that I have enjoyed the chance to express my thoughts and realised that I really enjoy writing, so there it is, and your stuck with it, blame the ones who encouraged me.

I can see it now, some crusty old pensioner knocking out hideously garish watercolours by the yard..... encouraged years ago by some well meaning family member....

"Oh uncle Roger that really is rather good, you should take this up"

Now faced with this deluge of childlike rubbish they have long ago run out of nice things to say.....

and still he paints, convinced of his genius.

Some of this, when I read it back, feels like it belongs to someone else.
Occasionally funny but often whining and self indulgent, I suppose that is the truth of it though.
My intention was always to try and allow it to pass unfiltered to the virtual page, the only editing was to
spare any offence although looking back I imagine I may have failed on that count!

I remind myself that this is a public forum only to forget a few sentences later, which is good because I
prefer to treat it as a diary.
Life has a habit of throwing surprises and recently I was told that we had to quit our lovely flat as the freeholder is putting the property up for sale.
It was a huge shock as I have lived here now for so long that I had almost forgotten that we are tenants
and it is a sad thought that our plans for this place are now redundant.

Change is inevitable and this is a lesson that will repeat for as long as we draw breath, it is only when shocked by these shifting foundations that we seem to remember, it is as though we are consigned to spending our brief time swimming in circles with our 2 second goldfish memories.....

Ooooh what's around the corner?
A plastic sunken castle, wow!
Ooooh what's around the corner?
A plastic sunken castle, wow!
Ooooh what's around the corner?
A plastic sunken castle, wow! (replete with plastic mermaid)

Perhaps our need for certainty makes this a necessary device or coping strategy.

With the help of people who care, we are now planning a move to a 3 bedroom house,
this situation now feels less like a disaster and more like an opportunity to start a new chapter in our lives,
which, whilst it sounds like some smug self help approach, is true.

So we can look forward to living here for ever and ever and being happy and........ Ut oh.

The sand really does feel like it is shifting under me at the moment.
At the centre of my judo centred life, stands a person who has been part of my life since he started coaching me 45 years ago.
He has recently been suffering from serious health problems which make all of this MG stuff look like
a day at the seaside.
With his illness as an ever present backdrop at the club he has built, I have noticed that it has drawn everyone together and the sense of family is palpable.
I am hopeful that he has been aware of this and drawn some comfort from it.

Supporting him lately with his coaching has given me a deeper understanding and affection for him and I intend to grab every chance I get to live in the moment....

this moment

 NOW! (grab it now while stocks last)


I could be sleeping now what a waste of time that is.


aaaaand finally dear reader take a bow, without you etc....