With two Chapter 21s is this 22 or 23? Do you care?

This ol disease has transformed my life.
A bold statement and a promising start to Chapter 23/ 24.

My wife is a psycho

(logical) counsellor and with English as her second language, she has been writing essays regularly, as part of her coursework.
I have helped to check and edit these essays and as a consequence of this I have been grasping at some of the basic principals of this study.
In effect I have been receiving my own general education in psychology.
It is a fascinating area and I find myself applying it's principals more often, not only to other people and their interactions and motivations but also to myself.

The new directness that I mentioned previously on this blog may be a partial consequence of the steroids that I have been taking, as they came with warning of possible side effects including feelings of mania or depression.

Whilst I do not consider myself depressed I can say, with some certainty that I am occasionally manic and.
many poor parents can bear testament to this.
I sometimes feel like I am hit with an understanding of the 'truth' beneath the complex layers that people use to mask their emotional responses or intentions.
Once I have hit this understanding it feels as though I have peeled away the layers of an onion and it is both invigorating and exciting.....
Unfortunately at this point I usually feel it necessary to explain it to whoever will listen (and they don't get a choice).
My monologues are delivered at 100mph and allow no interruption.....

Yes Mark that's interesting.....
Read...... please I need to go

Oh really?
Read.... REALLY, I really need to go!

Example:
I attended a children's judo competition recently, not as a coach but as a spectator.
This gave me a great opportunity to step back from the trees and see the wood, an objective view of this sport that I love.
It was a truly unedifying spectacle,
I watched as Coaches screamed instructions at their young charges, desperately trying to micro manage their performances like deranged puppeteers.
If these unfortunate children made a mistake they would be subjected to a loud and public humiliation
in full angry dad style.
This bullying was delivered from the person they were relying on to provide a calm and thoughtful influence at this stressful time.
This of course is person who should be able to take a strategic view of their progress and then adjust their training regime to address any problems that might become have become apparent.
The coach should have been working to equip their fighter to find in themselves what they need to handle the demands faced in a contest, but this kind of independence is an overlooked and undervalued asset.

How could someone in this position abuse the trust they had fostered I thought......

(those dots indicate me thinking, suppose a question mark might have done a better job, here you go have this one and don't lose it ?).

It suddenly hit me the whole picture!
The truth of this was that the coaches saw their children as extensions of themselves........

(not thinking now just a dramatic pause)

Vehicles for their own ego........

(tell us Mark, Oh Guru, oh wise one, don't leave us hanging)

Using these convenient little vehicles they could demonstrate to the world, and themselves,  their inherent superiority,

Until of course they lose.


It then becomes necessary for the puppet master to explain loudly to his audience that it was the puppet that was faulty.
So these screaming attacks, whilst on the surface seem to be directed at the child,
in fact are aimed, via the child, towards the watching adults, (both spectators and coaches).

"IT WASN'T ME!!!"

Once aware of the dynamics of this situation...  I considered that the other reason that coaches overlook the importance of helping their competitor reach a state of capable independence is that it
makes it more difficult for them to hoover up the credit.
This credit is really the motivating driver for their coaching, possibly they have an insecurity that needs to be bolstered by the credit?
Maybe they were made to feel inadequate as children subjected by parents or coaches themselves to this kind of conditional love?
My instinct is that suits their subconscious purpose to engender and propagate a mutual need.

Coaches often joke that if their competitor wins it was because they, the coach got it right,
conversely, when they lose it is the fault of the child........

Closer to the truth than they probably realise.

On the other hand I might just be mad.