Chapter 28.. Life moves on and I explore the possibilities of a 6th person narrative and a trans gender lifestyle

One year tomorrow since Chapter 27 On this basis how many more chapters before my molecules are redistributed?


I remember laughing, oh how I laughed 

Haa ha Haa..... (throws his head back to emphasise how he laughed).


at the suggestion that my dear old prednisilone steroid would cause me to gain weight.
So determined was I to prove my GP wrong that I started a diet regime that actually saw me lose about 10 kg.

That was then and this (as they say),

(who may I ask are these 'they' of whom you speak?

And if you are asking that question of our dear author, who are you?

And if it is you now addressing the questioner and you are not yourself the author then....
(that's quite enough thanks Ed).

who the fuck is Ed?

OK enough already (in the style of a yiddish shopkeeper),
cut to the chase, I am now, at 102 kg as:-

heavy boned
"it's me glands see" 
slow metabolismed
fat as fuck
as I have ever been.
I would love to blame the steroids but sadly even I wouldn't believe me.

So our hero dear reader, the neurologist Richard Armstrong, has arranged for me to have a thymectomy (spell check turned that into thymec Tony, who sounds like a mob hit man and then, when re typed suggested hysterectomy, with strange foresight (as will be revealed below). 
Alternatively perhaps the all powerful Google have developed spell check with a future text facility?
I wouldn't put it past them

The date for this operation is set for August 10th which is convenient as I shall be off school and was already resigned to a holiday free financially challenged summer.


The thymectomy offers an approximate one third chance of complete recovery, one third chance of an improvement and one third or 33.33333333333333333333% (stunned by my accuracy eh) of sweet Football Association.
The proceedure used to require a full opening of the rib cage as used in open heart surgery and the film Alien,
but is now a keyhole video assisted procedure played by children on PlayStation 4.


My surgeon, or at least the one they are lending me, suggests that I lose 10 kg by the day of my operation.
He hastily added that this wasn't to say I was fat, but somehow I doubt he was asking me to lose 10 kg in muscle or consider cutting a leg off.

So having tried and failed to start on a 5:2 diet that worked so well last time I am now considering Slimmers World.
It is hard to square this with my carefully cultivated Sensei image and so perhaps I shall borrow one of my mums dresses, then purchase a wig, reinventing myself as a housewife of a certain age.

This would offer the benefit of allowing me to attend the classes, whilst making some new friends outside of my usual social circle.
Grayson Perry is one of my heroes so who knows where this might lead me,
he is a transvestite artist why not I hear you shout a transvestite Sensei?

Sensei Sensei(tive ).... formerly known as Mark has a certain ring to it.

Elsewhere in my life I continue the task of steering Pinewood Judo Club. 
This is a huge challenge as it involves me in coaching or attending the club most weekday evenings as well as travelling most weekends to coach at competitions. 
My wife and daughter are paying a high price for this commitment and faced with some of the self interested parents (who turn their children into projects) along with the authority junkies on and off the mat and the credit hoovers that feature in most human enterprise there are times when this all feels too much.

Poor dear me I'm dabbing tears from my cheek with my scented lace handkerchief as type this.

and when one of the Pinewood judoka splatter their opponent and I leap from my coach's chair?
Well of course that's something money can't buy.

Poverty is another thing money can't buy.

Another challenge of the club,  as a registered charity is that it hoovers up both my time and energy, to such a degree that my paid teaching business is confined to the spaces that I can squeeze in around it.
This means that I'm unable to expand my business as I had planned BP (before Pinewood) and this is another sacrifice my family are forced to make with me.

So as I grapple with these problems my delicate hand trembles and placing my bone china cup into it's saucer i sigh softly and fall into a troubled sleep..


GET A FUCKING GRIP FRICKER!