Chapter 3

Wednesday 19th June.
I just spoke with my dear old judo friend Paul Knight to explain that I wouldn't be doing judo tonight.
Last Wednesday, only a week ago I was texting him and explaining that I didn't fancy judo as my left eyelid had drooped.... oh those halcyon days eh!
Depressed myself this afternoon watching a number of Youtube clips of fellow sufferers keeping their very public diaries.
FELLOW SUFFERERS! Listen to me,  already part of some noble community, bound together by our suffering!
aaaand by the way Mr Fricker you talk glibly of their public diaries so (I ask myself) what is this?
I have explained/excused it to myself as a way of keeping friends and family in the loop and a way by which I can pass news to people who care about me.

It feels however like an opportunity to let rip and my single finger typing is already a faster way to communicate than my slack lipped nasal mumbling.


There we are feeling better already!

A well meaning and decent person, on hearing of my condition asked me if I had heard about 'balancing my body', she went on to explain that as everything has a ph value and my diet should be 'balanced' in ph terms.
I tried tactfully to tell her that a good deal of money and time was being spent by scientists in understanding this disease and it's causes and that if this was the case, they probably would have arrived at this conclusion by now....
Uninpressed she continued to explain, that, on giving birth to her first child, she developed lumps in her legs, which was apparently "all down to stress" .

Really? I said  (when SHUT UP AND DIE was what crossed my mind).
My darling wife also mused today that "these things happen for a reason" mmmm God is moving in a mysterious way then....
It's at times when confronted by these ideas that I am most comfortable in my Athesim.
On a lighter note my darling Yasmin at not quite 3 years old has an uncanny awareness of my problems, she 'mended' my eye with a careful application of elastic band this afternoon while we flopped about on her trampoline. A simple expression of empathy can mean more than any words could and gives me hope for all of us.
I hope I can learn to keep a lid on my anger as it is ultimately only likely to damage those closest to me and that includes me.

Bye for now I'm off for a beer and a dribble at the judo club as a non combatant.